This has been a rough week. Started with the nose dive I took in emotions during therapy last Friday and I just never seemed to be able to pull out of it. Sunday afternoon, I felt such a heaviness and was so distracted. My husband asked me if I was sad. I told him that I wasn't sure if I was blue or feeling burdened, but I needed to figure it out and find a way to tell the difference sooner.
Monday started out really well, but by the time I ate lunch, I was physically sick and the heaviness remained. Ended up in bed for the rest of the afternoon and then spent the evening totally immersed in a book to avoid real life. Even when I am trying to avoid life while reading, God still manages to get my attention and He did with some things that popped up in the story line...now I know why He led me straight to this series of historical fiction.
Tuesday, it took forever to drag myself out of bed, but I finally did, got showered and ready to go run errands and got really sick...my head was so stuffed with cotton that I couldn't think straight. Back to bed I went until early afternoon. Once again, I couldn't get passed the heaviness, so I finished the book series and settled quite a few things in my spirit. Both days, in spite of being ill, demands were high in ministry. I am a pastor's wife...ministry doesn't stop just because I'm dealing with depression or because I am physically ill. It is a struggle some days, especially when I cannot think or concentrate, but God gave me the grace and the words to speak from bed.
Tuesday night, I decided to find out, once and for all, whether or not I should truly avoid gluten or wheat products by having pizza for supper. I ate two slices and within an hour, I was so sick and then I remembered that I was out of migraine medication...Oops! I paid dearly for that one. The migraine I woke up with on Wednesday was the worst of the worst. I was in bed all day. My husband brought migraine meds home for me along with chicken soup which eased the pain a bit. Took another round of the meds at bedtime and thought that I would sleep...not a chance! I dozed off and on, but never actually slept for very long...amazing that I am wide awake now. I'm thinking that I am going to have to start taking my depression meds in the morning rather than at night now...I think they are keeping me awake.
So...what have I learned this week thru all of this? One, no more wheat or gluten in my diet for several reasons, I get really sick at my stomach, it triggers migraines and it blows my stomach up and those are three really good reasons to avoid it. We'll see what other wonderful benefits come from avoiding it later.
Two...it is difficult to tell the difference between being blue and being burdened initially...but after a few days...you begin to be able to tell which is which.
And three...God is using this depression to cause me to be still and know that He is God. He is using it to teach me so much and it is easier to hear His voice because I know that I cannot get thru this without His help and His leading. He is settling things in my mind and spirit...I am learning to wait on Him. I am learning to be even more grateful for all He is and all He does in my life. This isn't an easy road, but He is with me and will see me thru to the end!
Now...I am off to see if I can get something accomplished rather than laying in bed all day!
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