Time to evaluate whether the meds are working and whether they need to be increased. Can't decrease it because I am already on a baby dose, so no other direction to go but up. After discussing the side effects I had initially and the one I am still dealing with, my doctor and I were in agreement...increase the dosage by another 25 mg and hopefully, it won't increase the migraine pain. I am so hoping that it will help me to sleep again...lack of sleep doesn't help in the migraine department either. While increasing the dosage isn't GREAT news...I can and will live with it for now.
Why on earth would I live with something that I don't want to do? Well...my emotions have evened out. I still feel sadness and joy, but I'm not all over the place like I was. This is something to help me get over being overwhelmed, overloaded and overanxious. Once I have the tools to help me deal with and cope with all life throws at me, then I can come off the meds. I can do something that I don't particularly care for when I know that it isn't permanent.
I am slowly but surely crawling out of that black hole that I've been living in for so long. I really shouldn't have waited till it got to this point before I did something about it. Why did I wait so long? Fear, pride, denial...take your pick...most likely all three. Fear that I was crazy or that others would think I was crazy. Pride because everyone thinks I am superwoman and that I have it all together and if that is the case, then I certainly can't let them see otherwise because then they won't think so highly of me. Denial because I just didn't want to admit that I needed help...I've always been the glue to hold every one and every thing together...how could I possibly need help? I mean, I'm the one everyone comes to when THEY need help. Seriously...someone should have whacked me with a ball bat and knocked some sense into me...talk about arrogant!
I am starting to see who I was/am and I'm praying that God will change me so that I am no longer that person. If this is why I have to fight this battle with depression, then so be it...LORD, CHANGE ME!
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