Grrrr! It seems like it is one step forward...two steps back and sometimes it feels like I'm being dragged backwards and can't even go forward! In all fairness, there are those days I see big gains...but when the gray fog starts rolling in...you just can't see them anymore. You have to hang onto them, in faith, believing that they have actually taken shape in your life and hope that you remember them when the fog lifts.
I have had such a roller coaster of emotions since my last post. One moment, I don't want to be around people, the next, I WANT to be around people. One moment, I can't get enough of reading or computer games, the next, I avoid reading or the computer all together. One moment, I'm chilled out and relaxed and the next, I'm sarcastic and irritable...I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. I am full of great intentions with NO motivation! I'm not sleeping again...what I eat is making me sick...migraines are coming back in full force because of the lack of sleep...I'm exhausted! I am able to find happy moments and I am definitely feeling the blue moments, so all is not lost...but I really need the roller coaster to come to a stop for a bit so that I can regain my footing.
UGH! While I would like to throw up my hands and scream, "I QUIT!" I guess I'll simply say, "God's will be done, but please grant me the grace and the strength to get through it all! AMEN!!!"
I am thankful that I see my doctor tomorrow...it may be time to up the meds...trying to find a dose that works and I don't react to will be a challenge. Guess we'll see what happens.
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