Words I Would Say...

These are some of the things that I shared with a friend concerning all that we have been facing and how I truly feel about it all.

"Just continue to pray. My intention was never to leave the Church, but to find answers and truth in God's Word and hope to see changes made within the Church so that she could be what God intended, but I was put in a position of choosing whether to continue doing the same ole thing or finding the truth and I have to follow God. I want to be wholly His and to be pleasing in all things to Him. I am not doing any of this to be rebellious or disobedient...I need it to all be settled in my heart by Him.

I am not concerned about anyone bad mouthing us...that is between them and God and He can handle them far better than I can, so please don't feel the need to defend us. Matter of fact, remember they are souls who have been deceived to believe they can treat others in such a way and still enter into heaven...pray for them and love them in the hopes of seeing them truly saved and spared from the pits of hell.

I have no desire to burn bridges or to make enemies of anyone, so I am doing my best to respond with wisdom and love and there are some that I will just not respond to because it would be a lose-lose situation. I will not debate or argue nor will I even attempt to explain any more than I already have. I have had a few, who truly loved me enough to call and ask me what is going on. While they do not agree, they have made it clear that they will not be breaking fellowship with us, nor will this cause them to love us less and that they will continue to pray for us. There are others who have chosen to believe the gossip that they have heard under the pretext of giving a prayer request while not knowing the truth...those, God will have to deal with...I am not their judge or jury...He is and His Word tells me that whatever judgment I mete out, that same judgment will I be met with...so I leave them in His hands. I am not saying that it won't/doesn't hurt, but I cannot be pleasing to Him if I do not love others as myself and treat them with the same love, compassion and mercy that I would want to be treated with."

There will be many who pass judgment upon us without ever speaking to us concerning this.  That makes me sad and all I can do is pray that they never have to experience this pain in their own lives.

I have battled the depression all week...doing my best not to give in to it, but there have been some moments that I have just wanted to sink into the black oblivion of it so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain that has been inflicted by the lack of love or wisdom, by the words, attitudes and actions of others. 

As I drove to the post office to mail the letter and my license to headquarters, I felt God speak to my spirit, "it is time to move on...do not grieve for what is past."  I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue seeking Him for all the answers.  It isn't easy, but the price is not too high, though the pain be great!