There have been moments this week that I wanted to fire off a "SOS" text to my therapist. Moments when I thought I would go berserk. Today was a much easier start than the past few days and I am feeling much more calm in spite of the lack of sleep last night. I am thankful that my grands slept through the night, but trying to sleep with the three year old in a twin bed when she tosses and turns worse than I do...ugh...it was rough. The result...she slept, I didn't. Amazingly, I'm not feeling worn out or like a zombie...could have something to do with the fact that I am switching my lexipro to a night dosage rather than morning. I couldn't handle feeling so sleepy throughout the day.
However, I know that come tomorrow...I am going to really be missing my weekly session. Just knowing that it is coming up and I can talk about whatever has been happening, really does help me stay focused and calm through whatever occurs during the week...not sure how I'm going to do without it this week, or the next, or the next, or the next. I may actually have to send out a "SOS" before it is over with.
Other than being really tired...I haven't been battling the dark as much as I was. I'm thinking that I'm on the right dosage and have finally found a medication that is going to work. I do feel more clear headed and I am able to function. Motivation is still being a stranger, but I'm guessing that will return when it is time. I have to keep reminding myself that getting through this is a process and that I didn't get here over night and I will not come through it over night, so my desire to be done YESTERDAY is just not realistic nor is it going to happen. Apparently, this is the only way I am going to learn patience...so off I go to breathe and enjoy the day along with all the sweetness and beauty that I can find.
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