Up one moment, down the next...some days it is never ending. I don't like changes, so this roller coaster is making me a little nuts. Okay...so I am a lot nuts...I am having to have my head examined weekly and I am having to take drugs. Everyone always suspected that I was crazy, now it is certifiable. I guess I should be making my reservations for the padded room and getting fitted for my new white jacket that will hug me and make me feel all better. Yes, my sense of humor is very twisted at this moment. If I don't laugh at the situation that I have found myself in, I would spend all day, every day, in tears.
In the midst of this depression, God is revealing things in His Word and in those revelations, directing me to make HUGE changes...some of them are coming a lot easier and faster than even my counselor expected...others are heart wrenching changes that are going to be taken a lot slower and will come at a very high price. It is in moments of clarity that I wonder why I can't just simply deal with the depression and then once I'm passed that, deal with these huge decisions...but oh no...God has a warped sense of humor as well and this is exactly when He wants me to deal with all of this.
All that is left for me to do is to pray that God will prevent me from leaning on my own understanding, will give me clear direction and will prevent me from being deceived. The price is too high for me to make these kinds of changes without KNOWING that HE is directing them. Jesus have mercy on me and lead me through this mine field of depression and changes. Amen!
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