After a great deal of discussion and prayer...my husband and I have reached a decision. He will continue to pastor and I will totally and completely step out of ministry until I have gotten through this, effective immediately. I will be there to pray for him and will support him in some things, but he will continue his ministry without me. I will no longer hold the positions that I've been holding and once I have certain things caught up, those obligations will be passed on to someone else as well. I will be surrendering my minister's license and if God chooses to use me in that capacity later on...it will have to be without a license.
Am I still angry? Not really. Frustrated somewhat, but that will dissolve in time. I am more saddened by the events that have transpired since Thursday. I am just a mite floored that people who should really know better honestly thought that I wouldn't know the truth of what has transpired. I really do not have the word "STUPID" written across my face. However, what someone else decides to do is something they will have to give an account to God for...I cannot take on blame for someone else's choices or actions. I cannot sit and beat myself up over it and I refuse to allow it to take all my energy and focus it upon them rather than focusing on myself and the healing that I need to do.
This is Easter Sunday and I do not want anything between me and my Savior. I surrender the anger, I surrender the frustration, I surrender any other emotion that I have yet to put a name to. I surrender my "rights" to hold onto any of them. I want to hear from my God and I want to feel His touch upon my life today. The enemy of my soul may win a battle on occasion, but he will most definitely NOT win the war. Jesus has already won the war! Just as "Good Friday" was a very dark day for Jesus...just a few days later, the SON rose again and dispelled the darkness, just as He has done for me this past weekend. So thankful that even when the world is crumbling around my shoulders, He reminds me that He has risen and I can rejoice in spite of my circumstances.
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